School Refusal, What Happened to me: from Stuart/United Kingdom

Hello. I suffered from school phobia/refusal in the 1980's in England. When
starting school, at age 4 I was terrified of being separated
from my mother. To this day I still don't really know
why,( I was scared of my father he was very domineering?,
mother was distant?), but anyway I felt that I was being
ripped in half and spent every morning crying and clinging
onto a drainpipe in the playground. I also had a terrible
fear of death at the same time and was terrified of
graveyards in particular. I learn to hide my feelings and it
got better eventually. All was well until I started at
'big' school at aged eleven and was overwhelmed by
anxiety again, refuse to get up in the mornings. kept
running away, unable to sleep, depressed, if i was force to
go to school sat there on my own crying all day, etc. School
and parents did not know what to do with me. I didn't know
why I was like it either. I saw a  child psychiatrist
briefly but he was clueless as well. After many months it
got better but still the despair came back at the start of
every new term for several days. I ended up turning off all
my feelings, I think, to apper 'normal'. This led me
to becoming an adult unable to express emotion. When I was
21 yrs old and at university I was barely part of society
and didn't feel 'human' I became severely
depressed and thought I was going to die but thanks to a
miraculous cathartic release, kind of a breakdown of the
mask I had worn for so long, of all the emotion that I had
buried for years including a lot of anger, and a further
miraculous event that I cannot in detail describe here but I
call  'self-overcoming', like an 'enlightenment
experience', I was transformed and restored to life. I
no longer get depressed but have had other issues as an
adult, tension headaches, panic attacks, alcoholism that has
stopped me from working. I put it all down to the separation
anxiety disorder I experienced and I urge everyone to take
it very seriously( sober now thanks to 'Allen Carrs
easy way to stop drinking' method) because it can ruin
your childs whole life. In my opinion children need to feel
safe and loved at home then they will have no fear of
leaving for school. Thanks for listening. I am writing a
memoir about all this stuff that I hope to publish one day,
it is hopeful because I survived and am happy now
despite everything. Cheers and thanks for creating this
site. Any questions/comments please ask. Stuart,



Jayne DemskyComment